MERRY NEW YEARS

Hav e startted withe the vodica and toni c and thaking the day off from exsercise.

Did an easy pace 3 milr ystredeay, then one-half of the P90X Armys & Shouders, thne topped it offf withe The ab Ripper. Som sorness today in my wright knee, but on pain ar srnoeess know. Party at tha convalescent centre starts at 9;00. Cant wiat, in fact i wont.

Got to go ease tonite, got a 45 moment temper run tommorroww an anohter av rppier.

I hop u all hve a very merry newt yearrs.

GET SERIOUS

The first week of my schedule didn't go well. Missed runs on Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Michele signed us up for the Tom King today, and now that Christmas is over it's time to GET SERIOUS!!!! Started back today with 7 speed runs for .25 miles each (my Garmin won't measure 400 yards). Ran all between 1:40-1:50. The last 2 were the fastest and were about an 8 out of 10 on the Suck Wind Scale. Tomorrow is a 3 mile run at an easy pace and strengthening so I'm thinking maybe doing the P90X Shoulders and Arms, keeping it light, and doing a max of 10 reps with each exercise.

Had the day off work and worked on the floors at home so nothing exciting happened. Did win a race on MarioKart on Wii though.

GOODBYE CELL PHONE

I began the Hal Higdon training yesterday. Starts with an easy 3 miles keeping the heart rate between 65-75%. I figured 135 bpm would do but I had a hard time going slow enough. It was cold with about a 20-30 mph wind. I just wanted to get finished.
Mile 1 slow
Mile 2 slow
Mile 3 slow


The plan called for 6 hills today so I went into town for Jail Hill. It's about a 1/4 mile run and pretty steep.
Hill 1 2:23
Hill 2 2:18
Hill 3 2:12
Hill 4 2:08
Hill 5 2:06
Hill 6 1:51

That last hill was at a 7:46 pace and a max heart rate of 183. On the 1-10 Suck Wind Scale it was a 9.

My cell phone was laid to rest today. Stood from the toilet, pulled the pants up, and everything came up except the phone that went down. I wasn't lucky enough for it to bounce off the rim. It hit nothing but net. Michael Jordan couldn't have slam dunked any smoother. I may have saved it from its death at sea but I hesitated. What would you have done? It was just lying there with the paper and poop, and I seem to remember saying, "OH SHIT"--- how appropriate. Then I plunged, but alas, to late. I have heard that proper dying techniques can save phones so it is now lying on one of the heat vents with its battery next to it. Even if I do save it I don't know if I can ever sanitize it good enough.

PLEASE STOP THE RAIN

Got home from work yesterday and it wasn't raining at the time so I changed quickly and took off for 4 miles. No one on the road except me and a short, round women that lives somewhere in the area and has began to walk. She has been walking a lot lately and I'm proud of her. She always carries a walking stick and was walking yesterday wearing a Glad bag and one of those umbrella hats. If was funny and I would have taken a pic but I didn't take a camera due to the chance of rain.

I had a good run. Faster than usual.

Mile 1 9:16
Mile 2 8:51
Mile 3 8:55
Mile 4 8:23
Total 35:26

I'll start my training Sunday with the Hal Higdon Program to go sub 2 at the Tom King. It looks like a good program for running and strength training together. If someone knows another program that alternates running and strength training please let me know.

DOG DAY

Got in a 40 minute tempo run this morning. 10 minute warm-up, 20 minutes at 8:30 pace, then 10 cool down. Lots of dogs during the cool down. All are friendly. The pic (top right) is a Scottie that started raising hell until I called him Scottie and he shut-up and acted like we were best buds. I don't know, maybe his name is Scottie. The dark pic is a dog that ran up and began jumping on my legs from behind. I said, "NO!!! SIT" and he sat immediately. I bent, pointed at him and started to say something when he put his paw in my hand to shake. Pretty cool so I had to take a pic, and then the pic didn't turn out good.

Not much else happened so I'll tell about a conversation with a friend. Alcohol might have been involved. You decide.

I asked the question, "What would you rather be able to do, fly, or become invisible?" I could see wheels in the brain turning as the electrical impulses passed from one tiny synapse to another. Finally he asked, "Could I be invisible and then visible when I want?"

"Yes."

"What about my clothes, will they be invisible? I don't want to have to go everywhere naked because what if when I get there I want to become visible again. I'd be naked."

"Sure, your clothes can be invisible too."

"What about luggage, like golf clubs? I could sneak out on any golf course and play if my clubs were invisible."

"Whatever you want to take you can make it invisible."

"When I fly do I have to flap my arms like a bird?"

"No."

"You mean I could fly like Superman?"

"Yes."

"That would be cool."

"So fly or invisible?"

Wheels and impulses.

He finally says, "I think I'd rather have a big dick."

P90X

Went into town yesterday for my run. Started at the Rec and ran toward town. The problem with starting at the Rec is that you have to go up hill for the first half mile to get anywhere. I ran 5 miles and when someone runs 5 miles around Manchester they will pretty much run through the entire town - and some places 2 or 3 times. My heart rate was already in the 150's after the first half mile. Also the town is full of hills, which is different than my normal course that is flat, so I got my heart rate up to 178 a couple of times. Not bad for a 53 year old. Let's see 220- your age (53) = your max heart rate (167). So computing by the Karvonen method TargetHR = (HRmax − HRrest) × %Intensity) + HRrest that would be Target HR = (167-65) x 100%. That means I was giving 102%. No wonder my knees are sore today. I'm taking the day off running to do P90X Core Synergistics.

Mile 1 10:11
Mile 2 9:28
Mile 3 9:21
Mile 4 9:32
Mile 5 9:25
Total 47:57

I've seen some blogs about P90X and I'll tell you from my own experience it is an ass kicker. If you are not in at least somewhat decent shape don't even try it. I did it last year from Jan-March and only missed one workout in the 90 days. It is a day of weight training followed by a day of cardio for 6 days a week (7 if you want to do X Stretch). It goes 3 weeks with a routine then the 4th week is just cardio and stretching. Then the next week the routine changes completely so that the muscles can't adapt. These workouts are all about core. The Ab Ripper X is 25 reps and 11 different moves and I still can't get all 25 reps of all the moves. The Yoga X isn't your sissy girl, relaxing music yoga. It's POWER YOGA to the max. There's a part of the yoga called yoga belly 7 that burns the hell out of my abs. The strengthening workouts are best done with dumbbells and a P90X pull-up bar instead of resistance bands. Also be careful, the Plyometrics may cause puking.

When I finished the 90 days I just started over again. I didn't do any running during that time and had already signed and paid for the Country Music Half Marathon. I decided I would run a few miles on the Tuesday before the half marathon just to see how I felt. I felt good so I decided what the hell I'll run, have fun, and try not to injure myself. So I ran slow (I don't run fast anyway), stopped and ate cookies, drank at most of the stands, and walked when one of the bands sounded really good. My time was about 9 minutes off of my normal and I really, really, really didn't try and really, really, really felt good at the end. It made me wonder how I would have done if I would have tried. Also I lost 2.25 inches at my belly line (belly line is more important than waist line for most of us guys).

I'm going to start the P90X series again in January but I'm going to add a running routine in with it, possibly the Hal Higdon routine. My goals are sub 2:00 half marathon, and a 31 inch belly line.

GET OUTTA MY FACE


[Photo]Got up yesterday and forced myself out into the 26 degree torture. It was cold enough that the penguins were out. Just had 3 miles planned but it wasn't to bad. Then I did P90X Ab Ripper. Also did P90X Yoga today.
Mile 1 10:08
Mile 2 9:44
Mile 3 9:22
Total 29:15

Except for the penguins didn't much happen so I'll tell about the gnat in the restroom at work.


I was standing and relieving myself when this damn gnat wouldn't get outta my face. I waved at it, then swatted at it, and then tried to catch it. Of course while this is happening I'm peeing all over the toilet lid and floor. Then the little SOB gets right in my face again so I blow on it. It falls straight into the toilet and begins to splash around in the pee and water. Now I'm at least humane so I fought off the urge to pee on the poor little drowning nuisance. It splashed for a few seconds when suddenly it flew out of the pee and right back in my face again. Only this time it seemed to be back with a vengeance. This stopped my, by this time, trickling stream as now I had a pee coated pissed-off pest hell bent on who knows what to get even. Again I swatted and tried to wave it away without being able to kill it so I zipped up and got the hell out of there. Later at lunch I had to shew away another gnat----no way it was the same one----you think? Naw, no way.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO FART WHILE SLEEPING

Did the 4 miles this morning.
mile 1: 9:45
mile 2: 9:09
mile 3: 9:27
mile 4: 9:29
Total 37:53

Uneventful run except for the new, barkie, pug puppy. I stopped to pet him but he wouldn't let me. He just kept barking.

I awaken this morning a little after 3:00. Someone had farted and it was soooo bad it woke me from a dead sleep. Michele claimed this morning it wasn't her and blamed Peyton (our dog). The problem with this claim is that the smell lingered and I couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up to check on the kids. Peyton was sleeping with them. I told her this and she said that I must have done it. I was asleep, so is it possible to fart while sleeping?

I stopped at a convenience store today that I stop at often to get a drink. Got my drink and fell in line behind a girl with flaming pink and purple hair. She paid for her drink and fried potato wedge, walked out, and got into a car that I swear must have been painted with a spray can with multiple colors. I said to the sales clerk, "I wander if the same person that painted her car painted her hair." We laughed, I paid, then went out and got in my car. Then I noticed the girl in line behind me went out and got into the car with the potato wedge girl. It's really difficult being a smart ass.

No workout tomorrow. Golf is planned. Isn't golf part of cross training?

Getting Started

I plan on participating in the Country Music Half-Marathon in April and I'm going to spend the next few months cross training to try and go sub 2. I've always been a 10 minute mile slow poke and now for some idiotic reason I think I'll go lower. I'm having an elbow problem at present and am waiting until it clears to hit the weights again. I'm doing an easy 4 miles in the morning.



Last month my wife Michele became an Ironman and I kept friends informed of my take on the whole crazy thing. I've copied it below for some of you who haven't seen it.





THURSDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 30



We arrived yesterday about 6:00pm at Panama City Beach for the Iron Man event on Saturday (that's about a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, and 26.2 mile run). Upon arrival the scene was laughable. Skinny people everywhere, running, walking, and biking, Hell, there were more bikes on the road than cars. I had to be extra careful not to run over someones bike because I knew that if I smash their bike and they can't compete Sat. they will kick my ass, even with broken bones and mangled body.



We went to dinner last night at Hammer Head Fred's. Again nothing but skinny people and everyone wearing polyester pull overs and warm up pants. I too was dressed this way and Michele became aggravated when the waiter assumed that I also was a competitor so she straighten him out. Stranger than anything, no one was drinking, except me of course. I wanted to yell "LOOSEN UP YOUR DRAW STRINGS AND HAVE A BEER YOU UPTIGHT SONS OF BITCHES". Finally, after about 30 minutes listening to chatter from surrounding tables about the fat content of a burger, the effects of alcohol on dehydration, and their training routine for the next couple of days, a fat couple waddled in. This couple had to wander if they had accidentally planned a vacation to a city that's hosting a bulimic convention.



It's Thursday morning and about 48 degrees and I stepped out on the 18th floor balcony, look out to the sea, and what do I see? Whales? Dolphins? Sharks? No to all of these. What I did see was a group swim had gathered on the beach. Some had already begun their trek out to a buoy that must have been about a mile out. I could see little knuckleheads bobbing in the water, arms swinging overhead and feet splashing. Turns out that Michele was one of those knuckleheads. She returned to the room complaining of freezing, but not because the water was cold but because the sand was cold. Gotta go we are about to go to breakfast. I don't thing there will be skinny people at the IHOP. They don't have shredded wheat and granola.



THURSDAY AFTERNOON

We just returned from the ironman expo. Lot's of skinny people, polyester, spandex, and people wearing any brand of sports sunglasses on the market. I also had on my Bolle sunglasses to fit in with the click. I'm also wearing a tee shirt that she got from the McMinnville Triathlon and people are treating me like one of the participants. This is aggravating the hell out of Michele and she's calling me a "poser". We ran into Lana, one of our friends that is also in the ironman, and she thinks I'm disgusting too. I'm not lying to anyone and if I'm asked I'll tell them I'm not a participant, but Michele doesn't hesitate to set everyone straight.



They've got all kinds of Ironman apparel at the expo. If anyone wants something let me know. Then you can look like an Ironman too. After all it's more fun to look like an Ironman than to be one. They have given them a silver wrist band and now I need to figure out how to get one of those.



THURSDAY EVENING

IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO POLYESTER DON'T COME TO PANAMA BEACH CITY!!!!!!!Today Michele and I discussed the plan for me and the kids on Ironman day and how we can cheer her on to the finish. I'm THINKING we are there at the start at 7:00, then a couple of hours later after breakfast to cheer for her on the bike ride, and then we would give it some time time while we did the beach, Ripley's Believe It Or Not, then lunch. and then we would head over to the finish line to cheer her on as she and all the others painfully and mercifully cross the finish line. BOY WAS I WRONG. I had not done the numbers or really thought about how long this would take. She doesn't expect to finish until 10:00. That's 10:00PM. It's going to take her about 15 hours. I don't thing I've ever done anything for 15 hours. Let me think. Sex? I wish. Sleep? Couldn't do it. Watch TV? No way. Drink? I'd fall asleep so still couldn't do it. Drive a car? I'd fall asleep again. I guess the only thing I would want to do for 15 hours straight is sex, but I don't think Michele would be into that sort of Ironman. Damn just my luck.



Dinner tonight went well. We ate at Dirty Dick's Crab House and the smell of polyester was in the air. No one asked me about the Ironman so Michele was in a better mood. I think they might be on to me because I'm still drinking and I think at this point it's a big no-no. Something about dehydration. I think we got a lecture in P.T. school on that one but I've always thought fluid is fluid. Who can trust the water today anyway. I do have a story if someone does ask. The story goes------ I've done so many that I just have fun when I do them now. I did one back in '78 in San Antonio that we had to cross the Rio Grande the Mexican authorities began to arrest the participants because they didn't have visas. We were all pissed because we had to spend half the day in a Mexican jail. I can't wait until tomorrow.





FRIDAY OCTOBER 31



It's the day before the big race. Well it's not really a race except for the few participants that are good enough to be at the front. For the rest it's an event. A sadistic event but never the less an event. I decided I would join in the workouts today so I did a 4 mile run. Kind of neat because all of the runners were just in a get loose mode so they were running real slow and easy. This made me feel like a track star. Usually when I run I'm the slow one so lots of runners pass me, but not today. I just flew past these skinny, exercise addicts. Many of them asked me where I was from, so I had to slow down chat for a minute, then as I would speed up they would wish me luck tomorrow. I'm not sure if they think I'm participating or they know that I'll be dragging 2 kids around for 15 hours to cheer for their mom.



We were all getting off the elevator and just before the door shut one of the women wished me luck. Michele was pissed that she didn't have time to straighten her out. I really can't believe that these people are doing anything today knowing what's coming tomorrow. They all are so competitive. Even on a slow day like today they are dressed in their fancy high priced polyester shirts and spandex shorts. This stuff is not cheap. Well it can be but they don't have Walmart Starter brand like me. Many of them run or ride in packs. They have this intense look and I could tell that it was all they could do to continue at a slow pace. Imagine how pissed they were at me for speeding past them.



We met Jill, a lady that Michele had met previously at another event, and her, her husband, and another couple are here to cheer. The kids and I will probably hang with them tomorrow. She has a great idea for us to drink 140 beers. That's 1 beer for every mile they swim, ride, and bike. So if you don't hear from me tomorrow that means we accomplished that feat. I'll be taking lots of pics tomorrow and I'll especially be looking for participants in extreme distress. They should be plentiful and not difficult to find.





SUNDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 2



Michele finished and in a lot better time than she thought she would----12 hours, 40 minutes, 55 seconds.That thing was crazy. There were about 2500 participants and about 1200 first timers. That means there were over 1000 people that were dumb enough to do that more than once. The most incredible to me was a 76 year old man did it. You would think a 76 year old would have better since. He must have Alzheimer's and had no clue what he was doing. Also incredible to me was there were some fat people in it----3 I think, and 1 brother. We stayed until almost midnight and those were the fun ones to watch. People staggering across the finish line as the crowd cheered, rang cow bells, blew party horns, and the announcer proclaimed "YOU ARE AN IRONMAN" in an attempt to inspire them. After 140.6 miles some were uninspired. No one crawled or puked, damn it, but it was fun to watch as long as I had a beer to drink.



Speaking of beer, Jill's idea of our group drinking one beer for every mile was a failure. We didn't earn our ironman. Me being the team player that I am held up my end, I even went above and beyond my duties and tried to make up for some of those not pulling their weight. We failed so there won't be an MVP but if there was I think I earned it. Obviously attempting to team drink 140 beers has a worse effect on the body than 140 miles. Michele's up running around feeling chipper, and I'm hungover, drinking coffee, queasy stomach, and head pounding. She's thinking about things we can do today, and I'm only thinking about puking. She's on a successful high and feeling good about herself, and I'm afraid to leave the condo because I might be recognized buy someone I ridiculed.





SUNDAY EVENING

The participants had an awards ceremony last night that Michele went to because they were going to receive a DVD of the event. She could tell that it was going to last a long time so she left and we went to dinner and then back to the ceremony. Now, I'll do my best to describe the scene. The ceremony was letting out just as we were pulling up to the conference hall, and the participants were leaving through the front door right in front of us. Remember the day before all of these folks had swam, biked, and ran 140.6 miles, and now they have sat in a hard back folding chair for 2 hours. I don't think we actually have to do the Ironman to image the pain and stiffness these folks were now experiencing. This looked like the scene in "The Night of the Living Dead" when all of the zombies were walking together. Stiff legs, shuffle steps, no trunk rotation leaning side to side so they could bring their legs forward, their arms just hung to their sides with no movement. Hell, I was afraid it was going scare the kids. It sure scared me.



I woke up this morning about 3:00 AM to go pee and Michele was standing at the bathroom door. She looked kind of green and said, "I don't feel good". She stepped out of the bathroom for me to do my thing and I know you can guess what happened next. She bust through the door while I'm in mid stream, hand over mouth, HURRY UP I'VE GOT TO THROW UP!!! Now as many of you know this is almost an impossible task, but when Charlie and his friends are about to get puked on I had to man up in a hurry. She spent the next few hours with stuff coming out of both ends. Damn doesn't the Ironman sound like fun. I can't wait until next year.